I just cut my nipple shaving
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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