also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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