please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
