eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
