I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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