i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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