Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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