I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
