don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
