I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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