ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
