Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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