i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
