i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
