my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize