God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Drunk is a universal language darling
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
