you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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