Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
