He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
