I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
