I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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