I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
