okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
