Got a toothbrush?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
