I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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