Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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