We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize