I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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