I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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