If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
