he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
