I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
