we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
