he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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