if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize