I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
