in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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