the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
