I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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