this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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