new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
