Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
