yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I need water and some morals
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
