it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
