Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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