On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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