I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize