Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
