my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
