Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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