I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
