The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
