My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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