Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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