***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
