this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
