Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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