All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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