Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
