I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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