the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
