im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
