You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize