sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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