haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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