I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
