I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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