He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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