Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
