To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
