it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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