I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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