I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
