**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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