my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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