It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
