Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
