i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
